The Most Boring Man in the World
Consider what Barack Obama said after he was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States on January 20, 2009. The newly inaugurated President stated:
What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition on the part of every American that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world; duties that we do not grudgingly accept, but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.
Well, as it turns out, President Obama’s definition of responsibility is quite different from that of most Americans. Because the only duty he has seized gladly over the past three and a quarter years is holding everyone other than himself responsible for the shortcomings of his policies. President Obama has blamed everyone from former President George W. Bush and House Republicans to the Arab Spring and the Japanese earthquake and tsunami for things not going exactly as planned. At this point, I am surprised he hasn’t got around to blaming his dog Bo, but his turn may soon come. The Obama 2012 campaign is underway and it’s a dog eat dog world out there. Or should I say a man eat dog world? Either way, Obama always seems to have a bone to pick with someone.
However, with the emergence of the GSA and Secret Service scandals not to mention the Fast & Furious scandal at the Department of Justice and the Solyndra boondoggle, President Obama’s time in office can be characterized as an era of irresponsibility.
Enter Mitt Romney. Say what you will about the former Massachusetts Governor. Sure he’s flip-flopped more than John Kerry, might not care much for the poor, and likes firing people as much as he likes mandates. But at least Mitt would mind the store. This is a man who dots his i’s, crosses his t’s and curves his u’s as meticulously as he combs his hair. Whatever his shortcomings, Romney comes across as a man who knows not only what he is doing but also what he needs to do. The same cannot be said for Obama. When we take the time to stack the résumés of Obama and Romney side-by-side we might very well come to the conclusion that Obama would be lucky to qualify for an entry level position in one of Romney’s companies.
If America should choose to put its faith in Mitt this November then over the next four years we will told about how things are being cleaned up and turned around instead of being subjected to four more years of speeches from Obama telling us about the mess that was inherited from the previous administration and how frustrated he is that he doesn’t have the power to wipe it out with the single stroke of a pen. We will have gone from Obama the Orator to Romney the Responsible.
To borrow a phrase from DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Romney is literally and figuratively a picture of sobriety. There is some question as to whether the strongest thing Romney drinks is Diet Coke or chocolate milk. I know Bill Maher kind of beat me to this, but I have a slightly different take from that of the “comedian” who donated $1 million to an Obama Super PAC.
So let’s cue the flamenco guitar and images of a younger Romney in the French Alps with PowerPoint in tow.
He can balance the federal budget on the tips of his fingers.
He can alphabetize his tax deductions blindfolded.
He has won gold medals for Olympic events that do not yet exist.
Hairstylists go to him for grooming advice.
He can tell you that 2 + 2 = 4.
He is the most boring man in the world.
To which Romney, seated at an overcrowded table with his wife Ann, his five sons, their spouses and sixteen grandchildren, would reply, “I don’t always drink chocolate milk, but when I do I prefer Over the Moon. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Mitt Romney might very well be the least hip presidential candidate since Nixon set foot on a beach. As such he would be well advised to refrain from asking “Who let the dogs out?” ever again (unless, of course, said dogs found themselves on the menu of the next White House State Dinner). Mitt should also probably resist the temptation to tell people that he listens to Jay-Z on his iPod (assuming he even has an iPod.)
While Romney might not be able to carry a tune, let us remember that we’re voting for the next American President, not the next American Idol. So while Obama sings “Let’s Stay Together” with the Reverend Al Green, Romney is actually figuring a way to bring the nation together. Not very exciting perhaps. But 3 ¼ years of Obama plus the trillions added to our debt is more than enough drama for a lifetime. At least four years of boredom is exactly what this country needs.